Many people hear the word Narcissism or Narcissist and think it just means Vain or Vanity. A person who thinks they are "all that and a bag of chips", a charmer or heart breaker who takes a lot of selfies.They turn a blind eye or roll their eyes if you tell someone you're with a narcissistic abuser. That is probably the outcome you will encounter. Or if the abuser actually admits he or she is a narcissist, that'll be the outcome as well and people will tell them that they are not that bad of a person, "don't be so hard on yourself", they may tell them. They then look down on the one being abused. This is because narcissists are very charming, yes to everyone else except to You. Behind closed doors or in secret away from the crowd, they are vicious and cruel but they have the ability to turn that off in an instant and be very charming and to sound reasonable if someone walks into a room when they are abusing you. The proof is plainly in front of everyone's face that the abuser is calm cool and collected and very charming while the victim is completely in a tizzy crying, babbling, irrational, not making sense. The abuser can point the finger at the victim and say, "see how undone that person is?....how crazy?....what a nut job!" Meanwhile the outsiders have no idea what he or she has done to their victim, that very day, that very moment and seconds before, for months, maybe even years.
Narcissism is just a new fancy word for verbal, mental, physical and possible even sexual abuse within a toxic relationship. It can be mainly verbal and mental and not have the other components or it can have or lead to all types of abuse. The abuse cycle is that usually it always leads to physical. It can be your mother, father or a sibling. It can be an aunt or uncle... it can be a friend, a boss, your lover, your partner, or your marriage mate. The word narcissistic abuser to those of us who know and understand it or have lived it paints a very unique picture. It paints a picture of absolute madness that some call pure hell and absolute Mind F***ery! Because that's essentially what it feels like. But it's also what it does to the brain. It literally scientifically and physically changes everything about how the brain and body works. Causing extensive damage hard to fix. People who know what narcissistic abuse means because they've lived it or dealt with it, they understand that it's a Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde daily dance of walking on eggshells, dancing with the devil and dealing with the most evil mind manipulation tactics that only are well known throughout the world to be used on prisoners of war or for pure sadistic cruelty. The weird thing is... is that whether the narcissist knows they are doing it or not, (because there are many different types of narcissists so please keep that in mind and we'll get into that later) whether it's deliberate or it's a pattern that they've developed since a child, (to get what they need or want and they don't know how to get out of it) they all have the ability to act in the same mean evil vile way! The worst part about it isn't that after many years it eventually usually leads to physical abuse, the worst thing about it is the Mind Games and the Trauma that the mind goes through with these games. You might be forced physically night and day or for hours and standing on one spot to listen to this word salad, put downs and gaslighting etc, until your brain splits and breaks down. The only way for your mind to handle this constant cruelty is to eventually, fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Perhaps even run far away from the moment in your mind and flee your body. After time, a person can learn to do this willingly where as at first it's your bodies natural defence. But it's dangerous because you may feel for the rest of your life an inability to be a part of the world and society and no longer have an ability to function or to make friends. The really crazy thing is that narcissism when it comes to abuse works textbook! I have read a tons of books and read tons of websites and papers on narcissism. I prefer personal people's accounts, stories and thoughts on the matter because it's one thing to be someone who's lived through it, and completely another thing just reading about it or taking a course. To live through these situations truly are textbook in that all types of Narcissists do the EXACT SAME THINGS! But you know how it truly destroys you. How it truly feels. They all act alike even if they have different types of narcissism. It just manifests all a little differently. Yet they all say and do the same tactics and the same pattern and if you don't think it's true it'll be proven to you if you learn to use introspection into your own life and become more integrated and grounded in your own self and who you are. You will be able to discern that even if you don't think these patterns are there, it is... it's just the pattern changed to a different location, way, thing or topic in your life, perhaps disguised a little different. But the same old pattern is always there. I'll explain more of that later.
Heck the Bible explains very well what a narcissist abuser is. The Bible explains this in terms of being: haughty, prideful, arrogant, deceivers, scoffers not open to any agreement, self-assuming, a braggart full of fits of anger contentions divisions, jealousy, rage, slander.. full of strife and envy they seek to destroy others especially the weak,naive, innocent, kind and the poor, they like to twist things to their own advantage, they are liars. They are or they can turn into murderers, they can become violent. The bible says it can lead the victim to their death in many ways. Which we shall talk about later. Their words are said to be rotten to the bones and full of death dealing poison. They dig a hole or pit for others that they may fall in it. The Bible says they are the dead leading the dead or the blind leading the unstable, blind, innocent, foolish, gullible or weak. They assert the are wise and abuse their power or authority. They have Jezebel traits. They are backbiters and murmurers. They lie, they cheat, you cannot put your trust in them. They usually wear sheep's clothing but inside they are ravenous wolves seeking to devour others. They like prominent places and to be noticed by others. There are a stumbling block to those unsuspecting and untrained. Even the Bible says to steer clear of them and stay away! To be around them can cause us to have bad traits that aren't good for us. To keep them "Marked" for they are spots and blemishes and waterless streams. They may have a false sense of Godly devotion that proves false! Stay away says the bible! There's a saying in the Bible about not throwing your pearls before swine that they don't trample you and devour you. This is very much the case with a narcissist.
There's an excellent book on Narcissism to help those who believe in the Bible and love the Bible. Every page is based on scriptures in context, sited and quoted for you. So you can have validation of how many hundreds of scriptures are in the Bible that describe narcissistic abusers and what to do about it. I will put that book in my top books I recommend list soon or I will do an entire overview of it.
It's very strange because narcissists don't go to a school to learn everything they know and yet they all act the same. They all use torturous mental abuse and manipulation. Tactics people in positions of power were trained to use on people in fascist, dictator, communist, totalitarian countries. Also used on prisoners and prisoners of war. This is why many people feel they are possessed by the devil or demons. These tactics work! You can break the strongest mind and I've read many a true stories of the toughest psychologists and psychiatrists who think they can help a narcissist or even have a relationship with one on some level, only to lose their career, sanity, their entire life, health, mental health etc, and be completely devastated and destroyed in every way shape and form including financially and often becoming homeless. This is usually where the victim ends up in time. So stick around to learn more because I'll be giving lots of first-hand examples from my life and from other people's lives written in ways that hopefully can help those who haven't been through it to understand it a little more. To especially help those who are going through it or have been through it to feel validated that they are not the problem and yes, this is really happening to you! Now we need to learn how to navigate it and gain our control back! Lets break these bonds!
Written by: Jessica Faye