Updated: Jan 24
1. If you're dating one, they may want to spend every day with you...perhaps day and night.
2. They often will put you on a pedestal and tell you how wonderful you are in every way, your smile, your hair, everything about you: your hopes, your dreams, your career choices, how you work with the public. Whatever it is, they put on the charm and really make you believe it. You are their world and they look up to you. You are the greatest, and they want to help you succeed in your goals, hopes, and dreams. Then, everything changes. They will never want to help you. They will sabotage your every hope and dream.
3. Right away, and in dating, they're in quite a rush to start making physical contact of some sort, whether it's holding your hand and staring into your eyes, telling you how wonderful you are on the first date, or claiming that they just have this gut feeling that the two of you were meant to be. Often a narcissist will claim that you’re soulmates right from the beginning and they could tell. They may try to move you quickly to sleeping with them to get you hooked on sex, or even to get you pregnant. They may talk about marriage right away.
4. They may shower you with lavish gifts, exuberant promises, or kind deeds called Love Bombing. They may use a gift to keep you, an expensive gift or an endearing gift like a brand new puppy. Later they can use that puppy to hurt you. They may also want to bestow the gift of a child unto you, knowing that's what you really want. They'll use it as leverage later as a way to forever keep you in their life. If you're stressed, they'll want to take you to a place where you can de-stress. They will want to provide you with financial gifts that can help you out. They want to take you around and usually want to show you off as eye candy on their arm.
5. Quite often they're even quick to say that they want to move in with you, that you should move in together. They like to rush the relationship. Perhaps they're already talking about marriage.
7. They often use amazing sex and get you hooked on it like a drug.
8. Whatever works for you is what they will use. They're also carefully and craftily studying you; everything you say, everything you do. Every little movement you make is being studied so that they can match your personality, mirror you, and try to act like you so that you will like them. They also study you so they can use your every word and everything you've ever told them against you later.
9. Narcissistic abusers often hide in religion to pick up Christian women who will be submissive and always forgiving so they can continue abusing and controlling them. They pretend to have a form of godly devotion. If you’re religious, they will offer marriage right away. These people prey on women that are in religion. They are the best type of woman to abuse because they will always forgive them. They will allow the narcissist to suck them dry of all their energy and resources. They can brainwash them to do anything and completely control them. These women are suckers for punishment.
10 . When you do something that they don't like... they just give you a blank stare and suddenly stop talking to you, or, they just walk off, hang up the phone, or close off the computer if you are online together. Then suddenly, they're gone, and you don't hear from them for a while. This technique makes you crave them.
11. Narcissists are all about control and punishment. If you try to talk to the narcissist, how does he react when there is an issue that the two of you need to sit down and talk about? Does he go to sleep? Does he get upset and angry and blame shift everything on you?
These are all red flags to run!
12. They're often very controlling, needy, or jealous. If you try to get involved in something, watch out that in some way they may try to sabotage it. It may just be coming and sitting beside you talking your head off and hijacking your thought process so that you can't focus on what you're doing. It may be as simple as that, but it's often done deliberately. If you notice a pattern, then there's something to it. If you have a bad gut feeling, there's a reason why. Follow your gut.
13. They may keep you from making friends. Somehow, someway they'll always sabotage the relationship or keep you from being able to make one.
Narcissists only use people. So ask yourself, what is he trying to get from you that you have that he wants? This using people is called "narcissistic supply". Like a vampire that needs blood to survive, a narcissist needs your energy and attention 24/7 on his terms. He needs to get you upset for the supply he needs; to feel your pain and trauma. It makes him feel happy and high.
14. Ignoring you. Do you sometimes get ignored for long periods of time? When the narcissist is involved in his own projects, he won't want to be interrupted the way he interrupts you every time you try to do something. A narcissist is a hypocrite, and he/she always has double standards.
15. Drama Queens and Kings. A female narcissist may use her beauty, her sex appeal, whining, and made-up sad stories. Most narcissists lie. In fact, I haven't heard of one who hasn't lied ever. Many are really good at telling fake, completely made-up, stories. They're great con artists and, they can put the tears on.
16. Are they jealous? Do they show up everywhere you are because they just miss you so much and love you so much? Don't view this as a sign of love. It's a sign that they may become a stalker later when you try to flee them.
17. Narcissists will often take on your personality and any of your ideas they will claim are their own. If you teach them anything, the next thing you know they're telling their workmate, family, and friends that this is knowledge they always had, and they're teaching everybody else now about it. They will not give credit to you. If they did a kind deed for someone because you asked them to, they will also take the credit as their own idea.
18. Narcissists also over-exaggerate stories about you. This is a great setup to make you look unstable and crazy later on or even now. They also can't help but lie. So, if they're telling someone else a story about you or you and them ..it'll be full of over-exaggerations, under-exaggerations, and flat-out lies that distort the whole thing. The narcissist wants the other person to be very involved in hearing this fascinating story that the narcissist is telling, so he has to sensationalize it more. This also sets things up for failure when there is a dramatic story that's happened in your life. People are not going to believe it. They will think you're the boy or woman who cries wolf.
He might add a sad story of a pet or person dying that never even happened. Each time he tells the story to another person it is warped, once again making you look like the liar and exaggerator.
You might be telling a story about how everybody was mean to you and mistreating you, and he may make the rest of it about how they locked you in a room, but that never even happened. He will add to it.
This way the stories aren't going to match up when people talk to you about them. Now you have to decide, do you correct the friends and family members who think that's what happened? Do you correct your mate in front of these family and friends and say, "No, actually that part didn't happen at all”? Do you tell what really happened? Well, chances are you're in a losing situation either way to be honest. If you tell the truth of what happened, they actually will think you're the liar.
19. Covert Sweet Narcissists. There are many narcissists who are sweetly covert narcissists. They seem like such nice caring persons, but they're constantly in your ear and in a sweet nice way with a sweet little voice controlling every move you make by making you think it's your own actions and thoughts. It might sound something like this: "Oh sweetheart, I know you love your mother so much and that's commendable, and you have such a big heart, but you know you really have to stop listening to everyone around you and listen to me. I know what's best for you and I love you so much. I would never hurt you like she has... now come here..trust me to care and protect you. I will look after your best interests." Then he forcefully in a sense pulls her along with his body. With his arms around her, he pulls her to where he wants her to be. A narcissist will often maneuver your body like you're some giant Barbie doll or Ken doll, and they want control over every move you make and every thought. If they like blue, they want to convince you that it's your favorite color too. If they don't like something, they want to condition you to not like that same something. Soon, and in a sweetly seductive way, you will be dressing like, acting like, and doing every little move in your life in only a way that this extremely controlling narcissist wants. When you're not always doing exactly every little thing he wants, he will get worried and question you as to why you're acting like yourself. It's done so slightly, and they claim it's for your benefit because they know what's best for you. It's similar to the government. They do the same thing to people. Or, religious leaders who are controlling and in power can also do that. Now, especially if the narcissist is in a religion and he's a man and your belief system is that he's head over you, that you must listen to everything your husband says, well, this is a prime target for the narcissist to completely destroy you to such a degree you won't be able to function anymore. Because no thoughts and no actions are your own anymore, and over many, many years being so submissive and having no voice will destroy you. Never being allowed to have your own thoughts, ideas, hopes, and dreams or say in a matter will stifle you. Love doesn't do that; it doesn't control like that. Love wants to know your hopes, dreams, and desires and give you wings to fly!
20. He or She talks about their Exes in an over the top extremely bad way and often. You will think the Ex is the worst person you've ever heard about. They will tell you personal embarrassing details about the Ex. Things like how they had a bathroom accident everywhere in a shameful way or in public. They will claim the Ex is Crazy and even Lie about the Ex.
If this is how they talk about their Exes, you can guarantee it will also be you one day once they give you what is known as "The Final Discard".
So, if you find yourself dating someone like this or you have a family member or friend in your life who has these traits, decide now, "These Bonds I Break!" and cut off all contact with these types of people. Don't get involved in relationships with these people.
Now if you're stuck with a person like this, if you don't have help to get free, or if you have to live with them, my website and YouTube videos will help you learn ways to cope with that until you're in a position to be able to plan to leave, if you choose to do so.
Now keep safe everyone! Trust your gut feelings, and when you see red flags or warning signs, trust it, or you can be stuck, married, miserable and sick in it for a lifetime.